Bigger and Bigger

Well, I've finally made it...I'm now the heaviest I've been in my entire life.  Am I upset? Sad? Depressed? Anxious?  HELL NO!
It is what it is and that's all it is. <---very Buddhist and I want to believe it!
I'm going to Las Vegas next weekend for a really fun four days with great friends and my sister and I plan on eating, gambling (just a little),eating, shopping, eating and drinking without guilt and I will do just that!
The "Master Plan" when I return is that I will, for the umpteenth time, join WW, for the very first time with a buddy or two, and get back on the healthy eating and exercise wagon.
What is happening is that physically, I am a wreck.  My Achilles tendinitis is sloooowly healing, I have pain in my neck and I get fatigued so quickly. I am unable to walk very far and I'm just plain tired of hurting all the time. I believe all of this is because of  the fresh weight gain. The injury sustained from my fall and subsequent surgeries on my knee and those complications make it all that much worse and I am certain has contributed to the weight gain due to depression over the whole situation and pending law suit trial.
What have I got to lose?  I can lose the pain, I can lose diabetes, I can lose depression, I can lose low self esteem...yes, to be honest, that is always the cloud that accompanies and seditiously surrounds me. I've grown accustomed to it and can see through it or around it and I can most certainly deny its existence.  But it shows; I wear it like a cape.
Needed to write this down and get ready to go on vacation with a clear head and ready for action!